Take one, Action!
Take one, Action!
"Aaaaaah !!! Eeeeek !! "
The shrill screams piercing my ears didn't startle me in the slightest. I was used to this kind of environment. Oh, and that numbness creeping up my legs after standing for a full three hours, too.
"Nong Nine !! "
"Aaaaah, you're so beautiful !! "
"Nong Nine! Fighting, son !! "
And all kinds of high-pitched noises around me blending into a chaotic mess. Luckily, my height of one hundred seventy-eight centimeters became an advantage amidst the dozens, if not hundreds, of young women packed into the narrow space that the event organizers had designated for fans of the artists attending the launch of a supplement brand at a famous shopping mall in the heart of the city.
Even though I was considerably taller than the girls around me, I still tried to stand on my tiptoes, raising my DSLR camera equipped with a seventy to two hundred millimeter zoom lens to capture the best angles. The rapid clicks of the shutter competed with the fans' screams. As I fired off shot after shot, I couldn't help but quietly admire the model in front of me.
That's awesome. Today, Nine stood out under the spotlight as usual. It's no surprise that someone with an aura like his is at the top of the industry. No wonder he won the Best New Actor award this year.
I hid my smile behind the black mask covering my face, my eyes and hands still busy with the camera, firing the shutter continuously. From where I stood, I could only see the side of him from a distance with my naked eye, but thanks to the power of the zoom lens, I could clearly see even the tiny mole next to his ear.
Even his mole is adorable. He's my bias, my bias !!
"Nine !! "
"Aaaaaah !!! "
The screams from Nine's self-proclaimed mommies grew louder when he turned to wave at his fans after finishing the press photo session. Event staff came to guide him to the special seating area prepared for the artists and VIPs attending the event. Fans quickly shifted their cameras to capture photos and clips as the event officially began.
Damn, it's hot. It's freaking hot! No matter how strong the mall's air conditioning is, it's useless when you're crammed in with a crowd for hours. Still, it's better than an outdoor event. That's why I hang in there, using my camera lens as my second pair of eyes. My finger continuously pressing the shutter when Nine playfully waves at the fans. My heart and hands trembled when I realized Nine was looking straight at my camera.
Aaaagh !!!
Of course, that was just me screaming internally. If I screamed out loud, I'd probably startle everyone around me. I couldn't scare the girls nearby, so I did my best to keep my cool. No one knew I was grinning like a fool under my mask. My legs were still numb, but I wouldn't complain anymore! I could stand here for another half-day if it meant seeing him.
When the artist I love is right in front of me, all the exhaustion and discomfort from the past few hours become meaningless.
Nearly an hour later, the event came to an end. I rapidly clicked my shutter as Nine and the other artists took a group photo with many important people whose names I couldn't remember. As soon as they left the stage, reporters swarmed Nine, as expected of a rising star. After finishing the interviews, he waved to the fans for a few more minutes before heading back to the artists' lounge.
The crowd around me immediately scattered like ants. Some fans chased after Nine, who left with his AR team and security guards, while others, including myself, stayed back and watched from afar. I was a bit disappointed that there wasn't a fan interaction session today. But, it didn't matter, just seeing Nine for thirty minutes was enough to give me energy for the entire week!
"Hey, are you a fanboy of Nine?"
While I was craning my neck to catch a last glimpse of my bias, a girl approached me with another friend by her side. The phone case she held had a polaroid of Nine, which meant she was part of the same fandom.
"Uh ... yeah."
"Aww, cute! See you at the next event," they said sweetly with a smile.
"Yeah." I pulled my mask up a bit higher, nodding shyly and waving back awkwardly.
"Wan! Hey! Over here!"
Barely three seconds after the girls left, I heard a familiar loud voice calling my name. I turned to see Jay, my classmate, waving enthusiastically and signaling me to come over.
"Did your Pink leave already?"
"Gone already. Probably left a bit before your Nine," Jay, who is also a stan (he's a stan for girl groups), said while craning his neck to look in the direction I just came from out of curiosity. We came to the event together today because his bias was attending the same event as mine. "So, when did it happen? Did a girl hit on you or something?"
"They just said hi. We're in the same fandom."
"Oh, really? Damn, I thought you were finally getting a girlfriend," Jay laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "Come on, Wan! Let's grab some food. I need to sit down and upload photos. Pink looked amazing today. She even did a cat-paw pose at my camera!"
"Nine looked at my camera, too."
"Dude! We're both lucky today, huh? Our bias both gave us moments!" Jay clicked his tongue in excitement. I smiled so wide under my mask that my jaw hurt as we walked side by side toward the food court.
Naturally, our conversation over ramen was all about our beloved artists. Jay and I took turns bragging about the moments we captured. Even the tiniest glance at our cameras became a point of playful debate. After about ten minutes of arguing, I emerged victorious by pulling out the timestamp data. Nine had looked at my camera three seconds longer than Pink had looked at Jay's.
Sounds silly, right? But everyone needs a little silliness to spice up life, don't you think?
"Hey, have you decided on your research topic yet?" I asked as we walked through the mall's parking lot toward our motorbikes.
"Not yet. You?"
"I have. We have to submit it tomorrow, you know."
By the way, despite how I seem, I always manage my studies without falling behind. I owe it to my parents for supporting my education. As for Jay, he always sneaks out after attendance to see Pink. He once stayed out so late after a concert that he almost missed an exam the next day. From sophomore year to senior year, nothing's changed.
"Crap, I'm not sleeping tonight," Jay groaned, ruffling his already messy hair.
"Alright, I'm heading back to work on my paper. See you tomorrow." "Yeah, later. Drive safe."
"You too." He straddled his motorbike and rode off.
I turned to my beloved black scooter, grabbed my helmet from under the seat, and rode back to my condo near the university which is about five hundred meters from the train station. Even though I had my motorbike, I always had to think about the other person living with me, who couldn't ride one.
"P'Wan! You're late!"
As soon as I pushed open the door to my room at nine thirty P M, a shrill voice called out my name. Three seconds later, a cute girl who bore a strong resemblance to me walked out of the bedroom, arms crossed, frowning at me with a disapproving look, just like a nagging auntie.
"Wow, look at you. Did you go fanboying or go to war? Why do you look so drained?"
"Why don't you try standing on tiptoes for four or five hours and see how it feels? Even a guy would be exhausted," I replied to View, my biological younger sister who always acts like she's my mom, as I trudged toward the sofa.
Honestly, as much as I'm fully dedicated to supporting my bias, I'm not exactly thrilled about standing around on tiptoes for hours. Back when I first started taking freelance photos of celebrities, I didn't really understand fan culture. I once arrived an hour before an event started, only to find that all the good spots were already taken. Sure, my lens can capture even the tiniest pores, but if I don't have a good angle, the photos won't turn out great.
Geez. Isn't it time to change already? When will everyone stop reserving spots half a day before the event starts, huh ...
"Ouch!"
"Oh, oh! Clumsy again," my dear little sister teased when I stubbed my toe against the sofa leg, making my face twist in pain. "And have you eaten yet?"
"I've eatennn."
"Good, because even if you hadn't, I wouldn't get you anything anyway," she curled up the corner of her mouth, letting out a haughty 'hmph' like a snobby princess in a cartoon.
I rolled my eyes upward, already used to our sibling conversations where three sentences in, we've already exchanged ten snarky remarks.
"And don't sprawl around like a snake like that. P'Wan, after you come back from outside, hurry up and shower. You stink."
"Are you my sister or my mom, View? Go do your homework."
"I already finished it! You're the one who shouldn't be slacking and forgetting your work. Be careful, so you don't fail to graduate!"
"Yeah, yeah, I won't forget. Go, go read your books, or you'll fail the university entrance exam," I said lazily, waving my hand to shoo away the annoying little brat.
She flipped her hair and marched back to her room. I sat and rested until the fatigue wore off before getting up, going to my bedroom to grab a towel, and heading to the shower. Once my body was fresh and clean, I returned to my desk in my bedroom, opened my laptop, launched the photo editing software, uploaded the pictures I took today, and happily started editing the best shots.
Oh! I've been rambling for a while, but it seems like I forgot to introduce myself. Alright then. Hello, my name is Achawin Sukkoson. My nickname is just what Jay and my sister call me. I'm currently twenty-one years old, a fourth-year student majoring in Public Relations under the Faculty of Communication Arts. But I'm not some important figure contributing to the nation, so my biography is probably not as interesting as the story I'm about to share.
I'm a fangirl-well, fanboy, to be precise. Yes, I'm a fanboy of a rising male actor, Nine Nopphanat!
I'm a fangirl-well, fanboy, to be precise. Yes, I'm a fanboy of a rising male actor, Nine Nopphanat!
My journey as a fan began about two years ago. Back then, I was a second-year student doing freelance photography for fan events. I already loved taking photos and, being the good child I am, wanted to help lessen my parents' financial burden. So, I saved up and invested in an expensive zoom lens to take celebrity photos and sell them to fans who couldn't attend events themselves.
You might wonder, does such a job really exist? Well, let me tell you, it pays quite well. That day, I was at Siam Square to photograph a famous BL series actor. Since the series was airing at the time, he was incredibly popular, and the place was packed with fans, making every alley and corner crowded with excited girls stepping on each other's toes.
I stood on the outer edge, almost at the very back, zooming in as much as I could to capture photos. Even so, people kept squeezing in to find a better angle, pushing and shoving constantly. At one point, someone bumped into me so hard that I lost my balance.
"Careful!" Before I could fall flat on my face, a hand grabbed my arm just in time.
"Like-" I looked up to thank the person, but the words caught in my throat because the one who helped me was the most attractive guy I'd ever seen.
His skin was smooth and fair, with large, bright eyes partially hidden under a black cap. He wore an oversized white T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. His features were a perfect blend of handsome and beautiful. He gave me a small smile, and when he smiled, his eyes curved like a crescent moon.
He was, without a doubt, ridiculously cute. My friends had told me I had a sweet face, but this guy outshone me by a mile. No, a hundred miles.
"Th-thank you," I stammered, still feeling embarrassed and a bit dazed. When I sneaked another glance at him, I couldn't help but wonder if someone this good-looking was even real. Even the celebrity I was there to photograph didn't hold a candle to him.
"Are you an Ozone fan?" he asked casually.
"Ah ... uh ... yeah," I replied absentmindedly. It would be too weird to explain to a stranger that I was just there for a photography gig.
He turned to look at the stage again. From where we stood without a camera, the performer on stage looked like an ant. Yet, he gazed at the celebrity intently for a while before turning back to speak to me, who was still absentmindedly staring at him, forgetting my job for a moment.
"He's really outstanding, isn't he? You know, I want to be like that too."
"I'm working hard for it. One day, I'll be like him," he laughed softly, flashing a smile that made his eyes crinkle with warmth.
" ... Good luck," I said after being stunned for three whole seconds by that dazzling smile. Seriously, even as a guy, I felt flustered. I could already picture him charming audiences on stage.
"Thanks. I'll be going now," he said with a smile before walking away.
Amid the deafening cheers, the loud music from the speakers, and the bustling crowd at Bangkok's most famous shopping district, his retreating figure was the clearest thing in my vision.
For a moment, he shone brighter than the actual celebrity on stage.
That impression took root in my heart and grew instantly. After returning from Siam that day, I tried to find out who he was. Unfortunately, I wasn't familiar with the entertainment scene and barely knew any celebrities. Even when I asked my female friends, they could only guess he might be a net idol, a trainee, or an extra in some series.
In the end, I couldn't figure out who he was. I regretted not taking a photo of him that day. Without any clue to follow, my search was fruitless. But I promised myself that if I ever saw him again, I would support and cheer for him with all my heart. Part of it was gratitude for his help, but more than that, I admired his determination.
Besides, he had an adorable smile. I guess you could call this ... liking someone.
And then, one day, fate brought us together again. When he debuted in his first acting role as the protagonist's friend (basically, an extra), I finally learned his name-Nine, a rookie actor. It felt like unlocking an SSS-level mission. I followed his Instagram immediately and, of course, watched the series he was in.
Even as a newcomer, Nine's acting was so natural and smooth, even better than the main lead. I'm not exaggerating, he truly had star quality. Before I knew it, I was attending his events, taking photos, and supporting him without anyone needing to hire me.
Nine isn't just a pretty face, he's talented and hardworking. He didn't become famous overnight but climbed his way up from minor roles through sheer effort. I admired his dedication deeply.
Now I've become a full-fledged fanboy. Normally, I'm just a casual music fan or someone who watches performances in passing. I even tend to like girls more. I never thought I'd become so seriously obsessed with anyone like this. At first, I wondered if it was weird for me to like a male celebrity to the point of following him to events.
But then I thought, I'm not bothering anyone, right? Life is short, so why not do what makes me happy. If I want to obsess over a celebrity twenty-four seven, that's my business. Even my parents don't mind, so why should I care what other people think.
But, well ... it's easy to talk big when I'm alone, haha. In reality, when I go outside, I still get self-conscious about how others might see me. Most of the fans in my fandom are girls, so whenever I attend events, I always wear a cap and a mask to cover my face, playing the role of a lone wolf, without a single friend in the same fandom.
Because of Nine, I saved up for almost half a year to buy a new camera lens worth fifty thousand baht just to photograph him. But I also take photography gigs for other artists, so I consider it an investment in my career. Oh, I even created a secret account just to help trend hashtags and vote for him. I also buy official merchandise from his company and have been following him since he only had a few dozen fans. Now, whenever he shows up at events, there are hundreds of people supporting him.
Nine seems to be doing really well on his path as an actor. Over the past two years, he's gone from playing minor roles to supporting roles, and his latest project has been a huge hit. People on Twitter are raving about his acting skills. It even went viral! Just last month, there was news that he's about to land a lead role in a BL series!
You know what, I'm so freaking proud of my bias! Nine has everything it takes to be number one-good looks, a sweet personality, and a polite demeanor that makes everyone adore him. His acting skills are top-notch, and if you've ever heard him sing during live streams or events, his voice is amazing. With the upcoming BL series, he'll probably release music too, and then the 'muggles' will finally see another side of his talent. With all these qualities in one person, the number one spot isn't too far off. My bias is seriously awesome!
As for me, my job as a fan is to push him toward his dreams, to help him go as far and as high as he can. Bring on the hashtag trends, I've got a dozen secret accounts for that. I go to almost every event to cheer him on. I do wish I could participate in top spender events, but I'm just a student with lots of expenses and a younger sister to take care of. I'd feel guilty using my allowance to drop tens or hundreds of thousands on fan projects. Still, I help promote him by taking high-quality photos and videos, editing clips, and sharing them on Twitter, Facebook groups, and TikTok to reach a wider audience.
Is it tiring? Of course, it is. A camera body plus a lens as big as a dog's leg isn't exactly light, you know. Even as a guy, waiting at events for four to five hours-sometimes since morning for an event that starts at seven p.m.- takes a toll. Cramps, back pain, and then coming home to edit photos and videos. It all takes time.
But all my exhaustion is so worth it, just to see Nine's smile. Just to see his face, to hear his soft voice speaking while smiling. Those feelings of exhaustion just disappear as if they were never there.
This is the love of a fan. Underline the word 'fan.' Let me tell you first, I have never thought of him in a romantic way. People who have never been a fan wouldn't understand that all of this is genuinely goodwill without any hidden motives. I just want to see him succeed, that's all. And I don't know how long this love will last, but in the meantime, I will give him my all. So that one day, when he grows up and succeeds, with so many people who love him, I can let go and watch him from afar, just like I intended.
I click the mouse to edit the photos while admiring my own photography skills. The lighting in the mall is hard to capture, you know. But I still manage to take beautiful pictures. By the way, Nine really has amazing skin. I barely need to retouch anything. Sometimes I wonder how someone with such good looks and perfect skin can actually exist. I'd better upload this set of photos quickly. Everyone in the world should know just how good my bias looks.
"Shit, is it already one AM ... " I mutter when I glance at the time on the bottom of the screen. If it weren't for the fact that I have an eight AM class tomorrow, I would have stayed up editing videos for TikTok a bit longer.
I close my laptop, drag my feet to switch off the lights, and collapse onto my bed, falling asleep almost instantly.
"Damn, you must be feeling good now that your research topic got approved!" Jay's rough, half-sarcastic voice rings out the moment the professor leaves the room.
"Good my ass. What part of doing research is easy?" I let out a sigh, resting my face on the desk because I'm still feeling a bit sleepy.
Every senior student in every faculty cannot escape the hell known as research. The research topic I chose is 'The Image of BL Series Actors and Its Effect on Social Media Publicity.' Let me clarify, I chose this topic because it's interesting, not because I'm a fan!
Just thinking about how I'll have to stay up late fixing drafts like 'Final.docx,' 'RealFinal.docx,' and 'I-Swear-This-Is-Final.docx' makes me want the world to end. But at least I can rest easy on one thing, I don't have to come up with a new research topic. Too bad Jay isn't as lucky as me.
"My topic didn't even get approved. Help me think of something, Wan. Please~"
"Yeah, yeah, I got it," I sigh deeply, feeling helplessness.
Fine, I'll help this poor puppy out. Maybe it'll even help me get an A in this class.
"That's what I'm talking about! That's true friendship right there." Jay's eyes sparkle as he grins enthusiastically. Feeling annoyed at his overly cheerful face, I shove my notebook into my bag, sling my backpack over my shoulder, and walk out of the classroom, intending to grab lunch at the cafeteria.
"Oh, hey, Wan. Look at this," Jay suddenly smacks my arm a couple of times, making me turn to look at his phone.
"What is it?"
"Check this out. They're holding BL series auditions." He shows me the screen, which displays a Facebook page from a production company announcing auditions for a new BL series.
"Deep Dive: Into Your Heart. Doesn't the name sound familiar? Isn't this the series where your bias got the lead role? The one you've been blabbing about all week?"
"Yeah, yeah," I nod enthusiastically.
This series is about swimmers, friendship, competition, and some love triangle stuff, which Nine, my bias, will play a leading role as another male lead. Or, as BL fans call it, the bottom, but really, it should be called male lead and another male lead. Makes sense, right?
"Here's your chance, Wan. You should try auditioning."
"Huh !? " Jay's words make me stop in my tracks, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"What? Why would I audition?"
"Why not? I even tried once, but I didn't make it," he pouts, recalling his less-than-glorious past.
See, Jay once wanted to break into the entertainment industry. He said it seemed like an easy way to get rich (he probably forgot that only ten percent of people succeed in this field). But no matter how many auditions he went to, he never passed. It's not like he looks bad. He doesn't, but either his character didn't fit the role, or his acting just wasn't good enough.
I shake my head. "Not happening."
"Come on, trust me. They care about looks first, and you've got the look-big eyes, sweet face, the whole 'popular uke' type. Use your face to make a living, man."
"Even if I look the part, if my acting sucks, it's pointless. I can't act," I roll my eyes. Just because I'm a communications major doesn't mean I know how to act. My program is more focused on marketing, not performing arts.
"Nobody's born knowing how to act. If you pass the audition, they'll send you to acting workshops," Jay keeps pushing.
"No-"
"Look, your research is about BL actors, right? If you get the part, you'll have firsthand experience for your thesis. Plus, you'll get closer to Nine. Who knows, you might even get famous, and then you won't have to worry about job hunting after graduation. It's a win-win!" My best friend is practically a paid advertiser for this audition.
"Come on, Wan. I wanna have a celebrity friend."
" ... Nope," I insist, though my eyes start to dart around uncertainly.
His argument is kind of tempting, but I have no acting experience, no connections in the industry, and no one to guide me. I'm just a regular fanboy. Even if I audition, there's no way I'll make it.
"Wan, opportunities like this don't come around often."
" ... No."
"Wan-"
"No, no, no. Drop it. Let's go eat," I hook my arm around Jay's neck, cover his mouth with my hand to shut him up, and drag him toward the cafeteria.
Stop overthinking. Stop fantasizing. The entertainment industry is way too competitive, and I was never interested in this path anyway.
Me, auditioning for a BL series? Not a chance in hell ...
